TWO WAYS: Alternate ending GTOP
Words: 1,277 ; unedited
POV: 2nd POV, Seungri
A/N: Well, I made this ending for Two ways written byjemnise  and oxygenlove  because *spoiler* I was so sad jemnise  killed TOP when I told her otherwise. LOLZ. Anyway, I don't want to give much of what will happen and I am telling you, I am not a writer. I just write for fun and there are a lot of better writers out there. So apologies if I don't meet your expectations. As early as now, don't expect anything. HAHA. And if you must read Two Ways, read up to number 8 and then start reading what I wrote. Enjoy? XD

---

The moment that SeungHyun steps in the boy's private space, the skinny boy with those dark circles looked at him pleading as he said; "I give up, I don't think I can be with him hyung."

Okay so your heart just broke into a million pieces when you said that.

“What?” The older boy looks at you, confusion obvious on his face.

“That’s impossible. Maybe you’re thinking he chose me over you because he was with me last night. Well, yes he was with me but all he did was tell me that he is in love with you.”

You can hear his voice crack with bitterness and anger as he says these words. Now you want to laugh and strangle Jiyong because he’s one confusing bitch.

You look into your Hyung’s eyes and you feel all the pain he’s going through.

“Hyung, he just told you that because he knows how stubborn you can be. He knows you won’t give him up. The leader in him took over. He wanted to protect me and he thinks that the only way to do that is for him to get back together with me. In short, he lied to you, Hyung.”

You don’t know why you’re the one explaining this to him when Jiyong’s at the recording studio sulking because he thought Seunghyun hyung left already. He couldn’t bear to see his only source of air lose his own.

I’ll bring him back to you, Hyung. Just hang in there, you said to yourself as you leave and look for the older Seunghyun.

So now you’re here staring at Seunghyun hyung cry endless tears after hearing all of what you said.

“Wait. How did you know all of these?” He said, wiping his tears, his voice a bit lighter now.

Your head is spinning already. You so wanted to end this conversation and bring him to Jiyong already because you’re broken and bleeding inside as you sit in front of him doing all the talking and you don’t know if you can still take it. But you tell yourself, Be strong Ri. Be patient. This is all for his happiness.

So you answer his question.

“He followed me to Gwangju, remember? Well, he found me at the bus stop when I was on the way back to Seoul. He looked so drained, so tired of all this. And then he learns from you that you’re leaving? That’s bullshit, Hyung. I know this is all my fault. And he doesn’t deserve this.”

And then he asks you a question that should really remain unanswered especially in the presence of the older.

“Why are you doing this, Seungri? Don’t you love Jiyong?”

You stand up from your seat and turn your back to him to go to the window, secretly glancing at the picture of you and him, still sitting on your table near where you’re standing, before going back to look at the sunset.

“He’s my life, hyung. But unfortunately for me, you’re his.”

---

You feel the air thinning with every step you make. Your feet feel heavy as you and Seunghyun take the elevator to the recording studio. Maybe it’s just the altitude. Breathe, Seungri. Breathe.

“You don’t have to come with me, you know.” He said, his voice feeling guilty as they come nearer the recording studio.

“No, hyung. It’s okay. I have to make sure he’s still there and he didn’t hang himself or something.”

---

As you make your way to your apartment, you sort of feel a bit lighter. You felt a bit relieved when you saw Jiyong’s still there, exactly where you left him: slumped in a corner with his face buried in his knees.

“Hyung.”

You called him and he looks up and sees you and then the person beside you. You saw how his face lit up and how he ran into the older’s arms.

With that, you know he’s going to be okay. Everything will be okay.

You open the apartment door and you see Daesung on the couch watching TV and you see Youngbae cooking something that smells like kimchi chige.

“Seungri-yah! I knew you’d be back!” And you receive a bear hug from Daesung.

WARMTH. HUMAN TOUCH.

This is what he needs right now. He sighed and hugged him back.

“Yeah, hyung. I’m back.”

---

After dinner (only the three of you were home), you make your way into your room and the moment you step into it, your heart starts to feel heavy. It’s as if reality hits you. And it hits you hard. That you’re all alone. That he’s never coming back to you. Your eyes start to sting. It doesn’t help that everything you see in the room reminds you of him. From the shirt that is lying on the bed – that’s your favourite shirt because he gave it to you on your last birthday. To the laptop on the table – he helped you pick it when you got your first paycheck. And of course, to that picture of you and him – a self-taken photo with you holding the camera and Jiyong kissing you on the cheek. You hold on to the picture as you felt hot liquid flow down your cheeks.

Damn, why does it have to hurt this much?

You put the frame down and you grab your jacket because you feel the need for fresh air because the whole room is suffocating you with everything Jiyong.

As you put on your shoes, you feel someone hold on to your arm.

“Seungri-yah... are you okay?”

Youngbae hyung.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll be back. I just need some air, okay?”

And you give him a faint smile.

---

You walk aimlessly on the streets of Seoul thinking of ways to ease the pain that your heart is feeling. But you fail. You’ve been walking for god knows how long already and the pain is still there – getting stronger and going deeper into your entire being. Your feet are tired of walking, your eyes are tired of crying but your heart doesn’t seem to get tired of bleeding. Now you feel dizzy. And you think you’re hallucinating because you think you see Jiyong and Seunghyun walking towards you with arms around each other’s waist and you turn your back and go into the nearest phone booth. As you see them walk past you, your vision zooms in on Jiyong. And as they become smaller and smaller in your eyes, your breath intake becomes shorter and shorter. You feel weak and you need someone to hold on to. So you decide to go home because you’re a hopeless case.

You reach an intersection and wait for the pedestrian light to turn green.

You can do this Seungri. You’re strong. You know you just need rest and sleep and everything will be okay.

Green.

You’re walking towards the other side of the street because you know that’s the way home. Then you suddenly feel your phone vibrate from your pocket.

Jiyong.

Your heart suddenly beats a million times faster and you’re near the end of the street when you read the message.

Ri, I saw you too. I’m really sorry. And thank you for everything. – Jiyong

You don’t know why but you start walking back. Back to the other side of the street again. Then you feel the world stop because you don’t hear the truck speeding towards you. Nor you feel the pain as you fall from mid-air down to the ground and you’re literally bleeding your heart out. Nor you hear the screaming people that are now surrounding you.

You slowly close your eyes and feel nothing anymore.

No pain, no heartbreak.

Finally.


/end
--

Feels a bit unfinished but yeah. That's it.
 

Title: Home
Author: parkchoongjae 
Pairing: GTOP / GRI
Rating: PG13
Genre: Fluff / Angst?
Words: 864 - it is a short one. Just a drabble really.
Author's note: This is just a drabble that was inspired by this gif and the HITE CONCERT. I distorted some facts so if you don't know what happened in the concert, then it's okay. HAHA.
Summary: Seungri wasn't in the concert. How does Jiyong feel?

--

You suddenly feel it.

The emptiness. But more so, his pain.

You drape your arm on his shoulders and close your eyes.

Hyung, I cannot breathe.

You whisper.

That’s okay Jiyong.  It will be over in a while.

With your eyes still closed, you feel him hug you lightly.  You hear the fans scream and you feel guilty again for he’s missing out this guerrilla concert. You feel guilty for not standing up for him to be in this stage with you. You know he’ll be twice as happy as you are right now seeing the overwhelming support of your fans. And yet, he’s not here to witness this and experience this all. 

And the one who’s beside you right now is the other Seung Hyun. The older one. The one you share your passion for music with. The one who loves you unconditionally even though he knows and you know you can never return his feelings. You love him, yes. But you’re not in love with him.

Because the one you’re in love with is the younger one. The younger Seung Hyun. Lee Seung Hyun. Magnae. Seungri.

You feel a tug in your arm and you see him give you a smile – quite a sad one in your opinion. And you feel your heart break just a little more – not that it’s not broken into pieces already.

Come on, Ji. Let’s bring you home.

-

You don’t know how many times you’ve been dancing the same damn song. You don’t know how many hours you’ve been in this dancing studio. What you know is that you don’t need any more practice. You can dance the steps in your sleep. But you can’t help but do it to distract you from what you’ve seen online a while ago. You wanted to see how many fans came so you watched the online broadcast. As if your heart doesn’t feel heavy enough that you couldn’t be at the concert... you see that moment.

His arms around him. Him hugging Jiyong. Him, him, him - the older one. The great Choi Seunghyun. The one you know you cannot compete with. You can never measure up to him.  For you know his brain is connected to Jiyong. They understand each other too much it hurts you.  Because you can never be like that to him.

You’re now lying down, eyes closed. You’re tired. Finally, you’re tired. And your heart seems tired from crying too. But your eyes betray you. Because hot tears are now flowing from them. As much as you want them to stop, they wouldn’t.  And you can’t help but sit up because you’re starting to sob and choke on your tears and it's getting harder to breathe.

What should I do to be like him?

Nothing.

Your hear someone say and you suddenly realize that you’ve said those words out loud. You don’t know if you’re deaf or you’re just crying too much because you didn’t feel him come in the studio. You just felt him hug you from the back, his arms wrapped around your waist, his face buried at the crew of your neck.

And you cry just a little more because of the way he’s holding you. Like he’s not letting you go. Ever. 

Ri, first of all, what are you doing here when you should be at home resting? Did you know I looked for you for 4 hours because you just had to choose a dance studio far away from our place when we have one in our office building?

He softly whispered those words to your ear and you can’t help but feel a bit lighter.

You turn your face to him. He softly glides his fingers against your cheek to wipe your tears.

I’m sorry, hyung.

And then his lips were on yours, kissing you, feeling you, touching you. You kiss him back, gently, going at his pace. You feel his tongue slowly slip in and of course you let him in and your tongues are dancing in a music that only the two of you can hear. You feel your face getting a bit damp and you’re sure you’ve stopped crying. You slowly pull away, and you see tears in his eyes.

Why are you crying, hyung?

You wipe his tears and you think you hear both of your hearts cracking a bit more.

Do you know how much it hurts to see you like this, Ri? How much it hurts to see you torture yourself like this? It fucking hurts okay? It fucking hurts to see my only life support lose himself like this. Ri, how many times do I have to tell you that you don’t have to compare yourself to Seunghyun. He can never be you. You’re the one I’m in love with. I love you so much it makes me crazy sometimes. I’m so in love with you it makes me want to be with you every single minute. I can barely breathe in the stage, Ri.  I know that you feel bad not being there. Seunghyun just brought me home. He brought me back to you.

You smile, just smile and lightly kiss his lips and bring him into your arms. You feel like flying.

You’re my home, my rock, my everything. You’re my heaven in this crazy world, Seungri.

You may not be Choi, but you’re Lee. And that’s all that really matters – to you, to him.

Title: Jealousy
Author: parkchoongjae 
Pairing: GTOP / GRI / TODAE
Rating: PG13
Genre: Fluff / Angst?
Words: 495 - it is a short one. Just a drabble really.
Author's note: This is just a drabble that was inspired by this gif and the HITE CONCERT. Steph jemnise , this is for you, to nurse your broken GTOP heart. I'll be writing a GRI drabble too and somewhat related to this but not quite. HEHE.

---

You can’t help but feel it.

So you wrap your arms around him. You love this boy – the boy who has grown beautifully into a young man. You’ve always been fond of him. You’ll always love him.

But you know this is totally different from the love that you have for the older man who bears the same name as him.

Ri, I cannot breathe.

You close your eyes and whisper those words to him.

You feel him whisper back.

That’s okay hyung. Just smile.

So you do what he says and you smile and hug him in return. At times like this you appreciate Seungri. He knows you and understands you so much that you think you’re hurting him so much too. You know in your heart that he loves you even though he doesn’t say it. But that’s the beauty of this young man’s love; he doesn’t demand anything in return. And sometimes, you wish you could be like him.

Now you’re getting out of the car, after the short but tiring HITE concert.  And you go straight to your room because you don’t want to feel it again. You don’t want to see them again. You shut your door lightly and look at yourself in the mirror. You don’t want to go through this whole insecurity issue again because both of you have fought about this one too many times already and it’s getting really old. But at times like this, you can’t help it.

What does he have that I don’t have?

You ask yourself. And you don’t realize you’ve said this out loud until you heard a voice answer your question.

My heart.

You hear him say. And you can’t help but smile despite all the stuff that you’re feeling right now. Only him can make you feel so depressed and happy in just a snap. You turn to look at him and he’s walking towards you.

He caressed your cheek and you shiver at his touch. He puts his lips on yours and you feel HEAVEN. You wrap your arms around his waist and you kiss him back.  You feel him smiling and he slowly pulls back.

I can’t believe you’re still jealous of Daesung. After all these years Jiyong, after all these years.  You know I love the kid just as much as you love Seungri. You’re all over the kid most of the time and did you hear anything from me? Nada. Now it’s Daesung’s birthday and you can’t spare me that? Come on, Ji. I know where I stand in your life. And by now, you should know yours in mine too.

You now feel guilty for all your drama.

I’m sorry, Seunghyun. I just couldn’t help it a while ago.

He wraps his arms around you and hugs you tight and really, that’s all you need right now but...

I love you, Kwon Jiyong. You have my heart, my soul, my everything.

...and those words sealed everything for you.

Habit (2/2)
Rating: PG 13 ; unedited
Pairing: G-RI (Jiyong / Seungri)
Genre: Angst, Drama
Words: 1,735
Author: parkchoongjae 
Summary: You're a hard habit to break. 
A/N: Well, he's part 2. Now that I think about it, I don't think the title has anything to do with the story anymore. HAHA. XD

--

You wonder almost every night how he does it. Like tonight. You cannot sleep and it's almost four in the morning. Yes you are used to sleeping late. But you sleep late because you're writing songs. Not like this. Thinking about the past weeks. How it has been pure torture for you. And you're wondering again how he does it. Maybe he doesn't love you? You heard him right the last time. He said you should know the answer to your question. Well, it seems like he doesn't. Because why is he doing this to you. Breaking your heart and ripping it into a million pieces.

You actually want congratulate yourself for having finished something related to your upcoming album. It was easy the first few days. You just lock yourself in your room and write songs and tap beats.  You again remember the past loves and write about them because those seem to be the stuff that would become a hit. But you can’t help but feel the pain somewhere in your entire being.  And it’s not the pain of the past love. But the pain of the present love that you cannot seem to have even though you try you best to. Weeks pass and it becomes harder and harder for you to work. It’s not like you’re not giving output.  It’s just hard for you to get things done because most of the time you find the lyrics sheet stained with your tears and you cannot stop them even if you want to. So you go back to your bed and bury yourself under the blanket until the tears stop. One time you thought everything was back to normal because you smell coffee and find breakfast on your bed – the same one Seungri brings you. But then you see Youngbae near your bed.

“Ji, you need to eat.  You haven’t been eating properly the past days.”
 
You sadly look at the breakfast tray.

“Don’t worry, Seungri still prepared that. We told him you haven’t been eating. We know only him can make you eat properly again.”

Your best friend looks at you like his eyes are telling you that he understands you but you need to get yourself together.

“Thanks, Youngbae.”

It was all you could say.

You’ve been eating properly since then. But it doesn’t mean it’s getting any easier for you. Like two weeks ago, the whole  group had a photoshoot for a new CF. He looked so handsome that you stare at him for quite a while and you don’t notice it until the director calls you for your solo shots. If this was an ordinary shoot, you’d be so happy because you can always hold him and hug him and you can always tell everyone it’s just fanservice. You wanted the director to tell you that you two have some shots together so that you can be closer to him – just this once. But no, you think the director is Seungri’s best friend because he gets a shot with all the members except you and you think it’s so unfair. He looked so happy as he puts his arms around Youngbae. The awkwardness is almost gone between him and Daesung maybe because they’re back in their room together. Seunghyun hugs him from behind and he laughs like nothing happened. And while all of this is happening, you want to get angry at him because you think he’s not suffering like you do. But you don’t because you love him so much and seeing him happy is much more important than your own feelings. He catches you staring at him after the director says cut.  That’s when you see it. Although he doesn’t tell you and his actions are telling you otherwise, you see in his eyes that he’s fucking hurting too. He breaks the staring contest you’ve been having and you don’t know if your eyes are failing you or you really saw him blink back tears. You so wanted to run to his side and hug him and tell him, “Let’s stop this, Seungri-yah” But your feet fail you because you don’t move.  You’re in a public place and with everything that is happening in your lives right now, the last thing you need is Public Display of DRAMA.

And you decide tonight is the right time. You hear the door open and he doesn’t notice as he walks past you. You switch the lights on and ask him, “How are you holding up, Ri?” With his back facing you, he answers, “I am good, hyung.” He’s lying to you again. Like you don’t know him. Like you didn’t hear his voice quiver when he said that. “Sure, you are good.  Tsk, next time, practice your lying tactics too, Seungri.” He ignores your comment and opens the door and tells you, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m tired.  I am sleeping. Good night, hyung.” By now, you’re already thinking of ways to thank Daesung because he’s not home and you don’t really need him in the room right now. You push your way into the room.

“What the hell, Jiyong?!”

---

You open the door to your room to stop him from further breaking you.  You walked all the way home to avoid him and this is what you get. Fate seems to be not on your side today. Of course he doesn’t know how broken you have become the past 3 months.  And you don’t blame anyone but yourself.

Now he’s in the same room as you and you feel suffocated. He’s looking at you and you feel your breathing slowing down. Kwon Jiyong, you might kill me. Don’t do this to me.

“Hyung, we can’t do this.”

You tried saying it as indifferently as you can. But you think you fail just a little.

Then you move your feet towards the door so you can leave the room and get some air outside or else your heart might stop beating altogether.

“Seungri-yah, tell me you don’t love me anymore and I will stop all of this. Look at me...”

He grabs you by your wrist and turns you around. That’s when you snap. You can’t take it anymore, your knees gave in and you find yourself crying hard on the wooden floor. You don’t care if he sees you at your weakest anymore. All those emotions you’ve kept buried inside you – you just need them out of your system. Then you feel a pair of arms around you and you can’t help but cry even more. 

I’m sorry, Jiyong.
--

You were surprised at his reaction. You didn’t think he’d break down this time. In front of you. You know him. He never breaks down. Not in front you at least. And you can’t help but break down as well. You’re seeing your source of air gasp for his and you can’t help but you wrap your arms and join him on the floor. You cry and cry and cry. If this is the last time you’re going to hold him then you’d hold on to him until he drives you away, again. And if this is really what he wants – for you and him to be apart, then so be it. Even if it means you being broken for the rest of your life, you’ll have to live with it. You just don’t want seeing him like this. Messed up, in pain, obviously hurting because of you.
You’re now on the bed, watching him sleep. His cheeks are stained with dried up tears, just like you. You don’t know how long both of you cried. No words were spoken, holding each other was enough for both of you. You trace his eyes, his nose, and his lips ever so lightly so as not to wake him up. You ask yourself how the hell you will continue living without him by your side. Fresh tears are again beginning to form from your eyes.  You look up and try to blink back the tears and you smile and tell yourself you’re still lucky your room is just next to his and you’re still living in the same roof. He’ll still be there, you’ll still see him and you’ll still be together technically. Yet you know it won’t be the same. You’d have to continue living without the warmth of his hug, the tenderness of his kiss – you’d have to learn to live without him. And you have to start now. Last one, this will be the last one. You lean in for a kiss because you just need to feel his lips on yours one last time.

“Hyung…”

You see him slowly open his eyes. You smile at him but really your heart is breaking into a thousand pieces.

“Don’t worry, baby. This will be the last one. I just want to feel your lips on mine one last time…”

You felt your voice cracked once again. Baby. That’s the last time you’re going to call him that. So you kiss him with all your soul and you’re a bit surprised he’s kissing you back with all of his too. If this was going to be the last, then you’re going to savour it. You suddenly feel your cheeks getting wet again but this time you’re sure it’s not from you. You pull away and you see him crying again. But it’s not like the scene a while ago. Silent tears are flowing this time. He brings his hand and touches your face. He looks so beautiful, so perfect even in tears. Damn it.

He wipes his tears and says the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard in your lifetime.

“I don’t think I can do without you, Jiyong. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. Will you have me back?”

For the first time in a very long time, you felt yourself exist once again. For you. For him.

“I was willing to let you go already. I was willing to let a part of myself die just to make you happy. You’re my constant source of air, joy and happiness. You’re the reason I exist, baby. How can I not have you back?”

You feel his hands intertwining with yours and you feel this is it. No turning back. No more hesitations.

Just you and him.

In this lifetime.

Forever.



--

It took me a while to finish this really. I know  I need to finish it soon because it's been occupying my brain even when I'm at work. LOL. Anyway, I hope you guys liked this. :)

Habit
Rating: PG 13 ; unedited
Pairing: G-RI
Author: parkchoongjae 
Summary: You're a hard habit to break. 
A/N: Well, I’ve always loved old songs and Chicago’s Hard Habit to Break is one of them. This one shot is inspired by it. You can find the lyrics here.

--

You knew it would not be easy. But you never knew it would be this hard. It was his decision to break up anyway, not yours. You’ve gotten so used to being around him or rather him being around you. Waking up next to him with his arms around you and hearing him say, Good morning, hyung everyday is something you miss every time you wake up since he moved out of your room and shared a room with Daesung. You also miss the days when it’s your day off and you wake up with breakfast on your bed and you see him watching you as you wake up and open your eyes. You miss the loving look on his face that makes you want to get up right away and kiss his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his cheeks and then softly kiss his lips and hold him really tight like there’s no tomorrow. You miss the times when you stay up late at night writing songs for your upcoming album and he also stays up with you (thus his ever darker panda eyes and you wonder why yours never really darken as much) even if you tell him endless times that he should sleep and get some rest. He still brews your favorite coffee and sits on the couch on other side of the room while watching you do your magic. Sometimes (or rather most of the time) you catch him trying not to fall asleep but in the end, he still does. With your smaller frame, when he doesn’t wake up before you reach him, you bring him to your bed and tuck him in. You kiss him lightly on the lips and most of the time, he kisses you back ever so lightly and says, “I love you.” You smile to yourself and you feel your heart jump several times per second that you don’t know if you want to continue writing or you just want to lie there beside him and hug him to sleep.

Now you look at your room, almost half empty. It’s been three months and yet it feels like 3 years. The pain is killing you, but you cannot do anything about it. Or rather won’t do anything about it. Because he asked for it and you’re afraid he’ll detach himself further from you if you insisted.

“We cannot do this anymore, Jiyong.”

You ask him why and he gives you a really fucked up answer.

“It’s getting more and more complicated, Hyung. It may look okay with the rest of the members. But I feel that they’re really uneasy with us being us. I don’t want to ruin the group just because of this. Besides, manager hyung is getting suspicious. And if YG finds out, we’ll both be dead. I don’t want you to ruin everything you’ve worked hard for just for us. And with your solo album coming up, I don’t want to ruin everything for you.”

You stare at him, not believing what you’re hearing. For someone’s who’s breaking up with his lover, he looks so composed and unaffected.

“What the fuck are those reasons, Ri? Since when did you come up with all those things?”

You see him flinch with your sudden use of foul words. But you see him going back to his composed self.

“We’ve been together for almost a year already. I should’ve seen this coming. You should have too. I’m sorry, hyung. Let’s try to be civil, okay? I don’t want the group to be affected as well. Though there isn’t much to be affected these days since we’re on a break and we’re practically doing our own stuff.”

Your head is spinning and you want to bang your head to the wall because you think that kind of pain is better than what you’re feeling in your heart right now.

“Ri, why are you doing this again? I don’t think I understood what you said. Don’t you love me? And what the hell. What if I don’t agree with you? It takes two to tango you know.”

You’re feeling weaker and weaker by the minute. Please Ri, say you’re just joking. Or else my knees might give in any moment now.

“I know you heard me, hyung. You’re smart. A genius in your case. And don’t ask me if I love you. You know the answer to that question. Trust me, hyung. It’s better this way. Don’t make this any harder that it already is.  Don’t make me avoid you even more.”

You have tons of things to say, lots of questions to ask but nothing came out of your mouth. You were speechless. The moment he left your room, your knees gave in and you broke down.

That was it. That was what happened three months ago. It’s a good thing you have your solo album to busy yourself with. He has his movie to finish. As they say, out of sight, out of mind.

--

Even though your manager almost kicked you for not getting in the car, you still decide to walk home after your movie shoot. You suddenly realize why your manager insisted that you to get in the van. It’s 3 in the morning and it’s really fucking cold and the jacket you’re wearing is not thick enough to give you warmth through what seems to be 4 kilometers more before you reach your apartment. Damn, Seungri, you’re really stubborn. Really really stubborn.  Then you suddenly thought of the real reason why you wanted to walk. Jiyong. Since you’ve packed up pretty late, you know at this time he’ll still be at the kitchen drinking coffee, probably doing some finishing touches to his almost finished album. So you walk slowly to kill time so you won’t see him because if you do, you might eat your words.

Sometimes, you ask yourself why you did it. Break up with him, that is. You laugh at the reasons you told him as you think about it now. You’re laughing on the outside, but you’re really hurting so fucking much on the inside. You told him lies mostly. The members are perfectly okay with the two of you being together. You really don’t know if your manager knows. You don’t know what YG will think or how the fans will react. You just made things up so that he’ll have no other choice.

But the truth is, you’re afraid. For you, for him. You’re not really sure where this relationship will go and you wanted to stop this before it affects everyone. Your dreams but not really because you’re more concerned with his. You’ve seen him write songs until wee hours of the morning for his upcoming album. You know his passion about his music. You know how much he loves you and you know he’s going to do everything for you. You don’t want to be the reason for his downfall.  He hasn’t even started yet. So maybe part of what you told him was true. What if the fans find out and you cannot deny it anymore and they reject you both?  You can take it and you know he can too. But you don’t want to ruin this for him. You know how much he loves you and you know he will sacrifice everything for you. You know him better than that though, he can live without you. He’s lived 20 years without you. But you know he cannot live without his music. So you decide to just break up with him, while it’s still early. When everything is just beginning.

Though you miss the times you cook breakfast for him and watch him wake up smelling the coffee that you brought in your room and then he smiles at you and you smile at him and say Good morning, hyung. He gets up; goes to the bathroom and you see him brushing his teeth. And then he goes back to you and kisses your forehead, your eyes, your cheek and then finally he kisses your lips and tells you in between kisses that he loves you so much. You miss hearing those words. You miss it so badly it hurts.

Most of the time you lie on your bed and you feel your tears forming and as much as you want them to stop, they don’t. So before you wake up Daesung whom you know is a very light sleeper, you just go to the bathroom and cry all the tears out there. You knew it would be painful, but you didn’t think it would be this heartbreaking. But you just think of him and his dreams and you tell yourself you did the right thing. 

You look at your watch, it’s 15 minutes past four.  He should be sleeping now. You go up the building and enter the apartment. You don’t see any light, thank god. They’re all asleep. You walk past the living room and the kitchen. You’re about to enter your room when you hear someone speak from the nearby kitchen. The light switches on. Your heartbeat speeds up. You don’t want to see him. Not now.

“How are you holding up, Ri?”

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A/N: There will be a part two. I was writing this until 4am and I thought I was going to finish it but I wasn’t able to. Will post part 2 soon.